Sweet, unfortunate, delicious.... failure. Day 1 and 2.

I picked a terrible time to become vegan. A weekend of football smothered in barbecue sauce, ranch onion dip, and everything cooked and fried to golden (Tate) perfection. Cookies coming at me from every direction, and almost every dessert topped with a glistening dollop of whipped cream.

Needless to say, I didn’t make it more than 10 hours of being vegan. Day one: Fail. I ended up eating a cookie that had egg in it (partially because I didn’t know it, and looked after it was already in my mouth, and partially because I deliberately chose not to look because I was 97% sure it had a dairy product in it) and that set the tone for the day. After my indulgence, I made sure to take advantage of the ruined day- I had peanut butter cups (from Trader Joes, so they’re … kinda good for me, right?) and I put a scoop of whipped cream on my dessert at our family dinner.

Ashamed? Yes, I am. Very, actually. I set a goal, and within hours, I was already making acceptions to my fairly simple goals. All I had to say was “No.” But, it wasn’t that easy, and that took me by surprise. I could have done all the research in the world, but nothing could have prepared me for that first bout with temptation.

This whole weekend, where parties and bars boast their delicious appetizers, my stomach is craving. Wanting. Desiring.  And my mindset yesterday was “Well, I messed up today, so I’ll just start for real on Monday.” How many times does this approach actually work? Let’s be real. Like that one time I said I’d go to the gym tomorrow, or I’ll read that book later, or I’ll study before the night-of an exam… HA. My life seems to be a series of procrastination, and that troubles me. Looking back, and somewhat forward, I can see these decisions being made and nothing coming of it. My goals and plans and wants going…  absolutely nowhere. Loose fifteen pounds, read 100 pages, actually get an A on an exam… Nothing. It hasn’t happened. And, that’s my own entire fault, because I can’t stick to anything.

I want to change that. I want to FINALLY take a stand for something, and stop giving in and quitting because of trivial, unnecessary, and probably only temporarily satisfying instant gratifications. I want to prove to myself that I can do this; that I can learns self-control, and how to stand up and stick to what I want.

Of course, I’ll read back over my “pep-talk” tonight… after I’ve eaten my way through the Super Bowl.

Ugh.

XO